so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
