why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
