I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
