Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
