I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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