i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
