we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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