my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
