"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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