i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
