who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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