So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
