how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
