First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
