He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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