dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
