That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
