The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
