I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
