I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
