I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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