she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
