It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
