between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
