Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
