Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
