i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
