I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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