My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
