im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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