I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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