At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
