I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
