I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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