Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
