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Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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