you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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