I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
