i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
