I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
