the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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