awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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