Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
