Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
