just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
