Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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