i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
