Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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