He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
