Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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