I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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