Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
