I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.