You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
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No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.