Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.