Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.