I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.