Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
