Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
