I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
