Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
