Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
