Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
