my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
did you just send me my own nude
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
