Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
