wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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