people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
