Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
