I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
